January 31, 2008

Feel it...!

This post is not for the hyper-sensitive heart...

How would you feel seeing your friend getting slaughtered; you are caged (or tied), and you know that you are the next to go down?

Here's something that happened in my neighborhood.



Five Point Someone

Read Five Point Someone of Chetan Bhagat. A light one that spreads that smile on your face. Loads of reviews are available on the I-net. I don't want to add to add to that weight :-) And sorry... am publishing no Chetan quotes either ;-)


January 27, 2008

The Road Less Travelled

Completed Scott M Peck's "The Road Less Traveled". An interesting read. It took me quite sometime to complete the book. I had to skim and skip some of the last chapters, which deals with grace and laziness. Yeah... In Scott's words, perhaps I was a bit lazy and rejected "grace" by doing so ;-)

Given below are some of the quotes and excerpts that I liked.

Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing. With only some discipline we can solve only some problems. With total discipline we can solve all problems.

If we feel ourselves valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well. Those who procrastinate do not value their time.

A General: The single greatest problem in this army, or I guess in any organization, is that most of the executives will sit looking at problems in their units, staring them right in the face, doing nothing, as if these problems will go away if they sit there long enough.

Eldridge Cleaver: If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs

To our children we say, “Don’t talk back to me, I’m your parent.” To our spouse we give the message, “Let’s live and let live. If you criticize me, I’ll be a bitch to live with, and you’ll regret it.” To their families and the world the elderly give the message, “I’m old and fragile. If you challenge me I may die or at least you will bear upon your head the responsibility for making my last days on earth miserable.” To our employees we communicate, “If you are bold enough to challenge me at all, you had best do so very circumspectly indeed or else you’ll find yourself looking for another job.”

A life of total honestly also means a continuous and never-ending process of self-monitoring to assure that our communications – not only the words that we say but also the way we say them – invariably reflect as accurately as humanly possible the truth or reality as we know it.

Lying can be divided into two types: white lies and black lies. A black lie is a statement we make that we know is false. A white lie is a statement we make that is not in itself false but that leaves out a significant part of truth.

The feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of “falling in love” always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades. When it fades, the couple, in the privacy of their hearts, begin to come to the sickening realization that the beloved has and will continue to have his or her own desires, tastes, prejudices and timing different from the other’s. One by one, gradually or suddenly, the ego boundaries snap back into place; gradually or suddenly they fall out of love. Once again they are two separate individuals. At this point they begin either to dissolve the ties of their relationship or to initiate the work of “real” loving.

I define love thus: The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.

When someone says that he/she can’t live without his/her love, it is a description of parasitism, not love. When you require another individual for your survival, you are a parasite on that individual. There is no choice, no freedom involved in your relationship. It is a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.

If being loved is your goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love, and you cannot be a person worthy of love when your primary goal in life is to be passively be loved.

In a constructive marriage the partners must regularly, routinely and predictably, attend to each other and their relationship no matter how they feel. Couples sooner or later always fall out of love, and it is at the moment when the mating instinct has run its course that the opportunity for genuine love begins. It is when the spouses no longer feel like being in each other’s company always, when they would rather be elsewhere some of the time, that their love begin to be tested and will be found to be present or absent. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised.

When we love another we give him or her our attention; we attend to that person’s growth. When we love ourselves we attend to our own growth. When we attend to someone we are caring for that person. The act of attending requires that we make the effort to set aside our existing preoccupations and actively shift our consciousness.

Love is work, nonlove is laziness, and anti-love, which is evil personified, is the extreme form of laziness.

Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the making of action in spite of fear.

With cathexis there is always the risk of loss or rejection. Love anything that lives and it will die. Trust anybody and you many be hurt; depend on anyone and that one may let you down. The price of cathexis is pain. If someone is determined not to risk pain, then such a person must do without many things: having children, getting married, the ecstasy of sex, the hope of ambition, friendship – all that makes life alive, meaningful and significant.

The essence of life is change, a panoply of growth and decay. Elect life and growth, and you elect change and the prospect of death.

As long as one marries, enters a career or has children to satisfy one’s parents or the expectations of anyone else, including society as a whole, the commitment by its very nature will be a shallow one.

Parents who are unwilling to risk the suffering if changing and growing and learning from their children are choosing a path of senility – whether they know it or not – and their children and the world will eave them far behind. Learning from their children is the best opportunity most people have to assure themselves of a meaningful old age. Sadly most do not take this opportunity.

Loving spouses must repeatedly confront and criticize each other if the marriage relationship is to serve the function of promoting the spiritual growth of the partners. No marriage can be judged truly successful unless husband and wife are each other's best critics. The same holds true for friendship. There is a traditional concept that friendship should be a conflict-free relationship, a "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" arrangement, relying solely on a mutual exchange of favors and compliments as prescribed by good manners. Such relationships are superficial and intimacy-avoiding and do not deserve the name of friendship which is so commonly applied to them. Mutual loving confrontation is a significant part of all successful and meaningful human relationship. Without it the relationship is either unsuccessful or shallow.

When we confront or criticize someone it is because we want to change the course of the person's life. There are many ways to influence the course of events than by confrontation or criticism. by example, suggestion, parable, reward and punishment, questioning, prohibiting or permission, creation of experiences, organizing with others, and so on.

One’s feelings are the source of one’s energy; they provide the horsepower, or slave power, that makes it possible for us to accomplish the task of living. Feelings are one’s slaves and the art of self-discipline is like the are art of slave-owning.

The genuine lover always perceives the beloved as someone who has a totally separate identity. Moreover, the genuine lover always respects and even encourages this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved.

Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

A common and traditionally feminine martial problem is created by the wife who, once she is married, feels that the goal of her life has been achieved. She cannot understand or empathize with her husband’s need for achievements and experiences beyond the marriage and reacts to them with jealousy and nerve-ending demands that he devote increasingly more energy to the home.

The path to holiness lies through questioning everything.

Education is derived from the Latin educare, literally translated as ‘to bring out of’ or ‘to lead forth’. There fore when we educate people, if we use the word seriously, we do not stuff something new into their minds; rather we lead this something out of them; we bring it forth from the unconsciousness into their awareness. They were the possessors of the knowledge all along. When we are reading a book and come across an idea or theory that appeals to us, that ‘rings a bell’ with us, we ‘recognize’ it to be true. Yet this idea or theory may be one of which we have never before consciously thought. He word says we ‘re-know’ the concept, as if we knew once upon a time, forgot it, but then recognized it as an old friend.

Ultimately there is only one impediment to spiritual growth, and that is laziness.

Original sin exists. It is our laziness. It is very real. It exists in each and everyone of us.



Leftovers

He carefully poured the leftover tea into the steel tumbler he was holding... He picked the next tumbler and repeated the act, till the tumbler he held was full with “leftover” tea.

With satisfaction he lifted the tumbler to his lips and started drinking the tea he just collected. That is when he noticed that I was observing him. His expression changed. He slowly hid himself behind the tree next to him...

I had heard stories of people eating leftovers. This was the first time I was coming across one in real life. I didn't know what to do…

Next time If I see something like that I'm gonna buy them some food. Btw, the man I'm referring to works in Shanti Sagar Restaurant, Koramangala, Bangalore. You can see him cleaning tables, plates and tumblers of the hotel.


January 26, 2008

Superstition

The Superstition goes that if there are cobwebs in your home, money will dessert you!

Superstition... ah!” When I heard it first, I laughed at it...

That’s when my friend explained the logic behind the superstition: “What will you deduce about a person whose home is filled with cobwebs? Don’t you think that person is most LIKELY to be lazy and disorganized? What are the chances for such a character to keep accumulating wealth? Slim? The superstition is based on that logic...

I nodded...

January 16, 2008

A small fight...

My sister was narrating an incident to me. It was about a friend of hers. Let us call that friend Meenakshi. Meenakshi was having a bad time at home - with her husband, to be specific - and badly wanted to vent her anger and lighten up her mind. My sister was her chosen outlet.

What struck my sister was the hatred with which Meenakshi narrated one particular incident - an incident that involved "ill-behavior" of her husband towards her parents. Meenakshi knew how much pain her parents were taking to see the couple in good shape. But her husband seemed to have lesser appreciation towards what her parents were doing. She felt that he was not respecting her parents. That infuriated her. Her hatred was visible in her words, expression and every cell of her body.

So, why am I posting this? This is for couples, who don't well-treat their spouses’ parents and siblings. Be careful. Right now, your spouse might be vending his/her anger somewhere else. And he/she has every right to do so...


A couple's conversation

Given below is the overheard conversation of a couple.
Girl: Hey... look... discount is going on in Megamart
Guy: No No No No...
Girl: Come on... let us take a look. It is 50% off! We might get something good!
Guy: Nops.. This is just the 2nd week of the month and almost ENTIRE salary of mine is already spent...!
I chuckled. I had heard that spendthrift girls can become a real pain in the ass. This was one first hand incident I was witnessing! Poor fella...


January 15, 2008

A harrowing bus journey

A bus journey from Bangalore to Chennai. The bus is air-conditioned and hence the windows sealed. It is 11:30 in the night. Most of the passengers, including me, have slowly drifted into a nice sleep.

Someone in the front row removes his shoes and exposes his stinking socks. The foul smell pricks my nose and I awake from my slumber. In my stupor, I try to open the window to let the foul smell go, only to recollect that I'm travelling in an A/C bus. Cursing the guy who took off his shoes, I try to catch up with my sleep. When I had almost succeeded in welcoming my sleep, my neighbor releases his fart! The stink from the socks and the fart starts attacking my nose!

Later I did manage to get some sleep. But when I alighted from the bus, I was wondering whether my whole body was stinking of rotten socks and fart!

This is a request to all travelers: If you know your foot stinks, please do not take off your shoes or sandals while traveling. To those farters in bus, controlling fart for a long time may not be possible, but controlling the food you eat is certainly possible. Before traveling please do not eat those junky stuffs that will produce “natural gas” in your tummy. Have some concern to your fellow being...


Jew's Contribution...

The story goes something like this: The brave Roman General who defeated the Jews and occupied Jerusalem decides to give the vanquished a final blow that will shatter them completely. So he goes to the Jerusalem Temple to see the “Jew-GOD”, who is so dear and near to the heart of the Jews. His intention was to destroy the GOD (or GOD's idol) with his sword. With the sword in his hand, he goes and lifts the curtain or parokhet... and sees... NOTHING! How can he destroy something immaterial?! How to fight an idea with a sword?!

I think the most powerful contribution of Jews to this world is the concept of a GOD who is immaterial. Think about this. Can anyone humiliate a GOD, who is immaterial? Can they desecrate HIM? The believers derive the strength of their belief from the infallible and unconquerable nature of GOD. If that GOD “falls” to a human, won't that shatter the belief and the strength of the believers? It will! They simply won’t have the heart to fight the conquerors. The conquerors knew this and for ages they have targeted nothing, but the Kings, Heros and GODs. They knew that destroying those "objects" that are considered to be the personification of strength and prosperity, would take away the strength of resistance. It was one easy way to subdue the defenders easily. This is where the Jew's concept of GOD becomes so powerful. The conquerors can never destroy the “source of strength” or “hope”, also known as GOD. All because GOD doesn't have a material form! It is an idea. A concept. And how to destroy an idea or concept with muscular power?

This concept of GOD was later imbibed by Christians and Muslims. During my visit to Hampi, I felt sad seeing the temples destroyed by the Muslim conquerors. They desecrated the temple and destroyed the idols. They destroyed because they knew that the conquest would be complete and final. And it did work for them! But in that process they also destroyed the marvelous architecture :-(. Had the Hindus stuck to the concept of "Brahmam", which closely goes with the idea of immaterial GOD, we might have been reading a different history.


God's God - YOU??!!

Have you performed votive prayers (or rites) in advance, hoping God will grant your wish? What happens when HE doesn't grant you that wish? Do you get pissed off? What would be your next move? Stop performing those rites? If you do so, I would say you are exhibiting your impulsive side.

Why not do the opposite, which HE least expects. You did your rites and HE abandoned you when you needed HIM most. Make HIM feel ashamed for HIS deeds by NOT abandoning HIM. Continue your EARNEST & SINCERE votive prayers and rites. Show HIM that you have a higher level of maturity than HIM. You won't get many opportunities to play the role of God’s GOD. Do you? ;-)

PS: Extreme devotees, please excuse this post.


Let my liking LIVE!

The glance kept coming back again and again, till it became a glare almost burning my hand. I was filling the pay-in slip of a bank and I was feeling uncomfi with those glare. The glare that was burning my hand was those of the "pen vultures" circling those unfortunate nice souls who bother carrying a pen to the bank. As soon as I was finished with my pay-in slip, one of them approached me and asked whether I mind borrowing my PARKER pen to him. I reluctantly agreed to his request.

God... I HATE exposing my PARKER pen in banks and railway stations! Normally, when I enter these places, I take my pen out from my pocket and hide it. But at times, I can't help it. Like in this case, where I had to write a pay-in slip. To make things worse, the pen I carry would normally be an expensive one. So, the moment I give my pen, to make sure that I'm not going to lose it, I need to keep following the hands that are passing my pen. And boy... that is a tedious task! The vultures take their turn and sweet time, using and passing MY PEN... And the botheration that one of them will never return the pen would haunt me till I get it back.

Sometime back I arrived at a solution to the problem. No No... the solution was NOT carrying a cheaper pen. Carrying expensive pen is my liking. Why should I sacrifice my liking because of those vultures?

I decided to get the price of the pen from those who managed to "lose" my pen. Once I did flawlessly execute my decision. The person at the receiving end was one of my acquaintances and colleague. He borrowed it, and later when I asked for MY PEN, he gave me that sorry look and said: "Sorry I lost it". Ok... So if he is REALLY sorry, and meant every word of what he said, let him pay me the price of the pen. So I told him: "The pen costs me 400 Rupees. Please give me that amount". At that statement, his face radiated a mix of emotions, which was hard for me to comprehend. He pulled out his purse and gave me the money. I don’t know whether he took my behavior in the right spirit. I think he didn’t, coz after that incident, whenever we met in a lift or lobby, he never bothered returning a smile.

Some might think I'm nuts! But I'm NOT! I'm NOT trying to make the world correct. I'm NO evangelist. All I'm trying to do is let myself not get hurt by the irresponsible behavior of the crowd. Why should I pay the price of someone’s forgetfulness! All I'm trying to do is let my liking live!

January 14, 2008

I love Jenny!!


Can you interpret the picture above? The carving is from Hoysaleswara temple of Halebidu.

As per our guide, the one standing on the left hand side is a young guy, who is in his teens or twenties. The one on the right hand side is a jenny-faced, who is also in her prime. The guy is attracted to the jenny-faced! Meaning... at that age, thanks to the hormones, even a jenny-faced will appear to be a beautiful damsel!!


January 12, 2008

Prof. Randy Pausch's last lecture

Prof. Randy Pausch's of CMU was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. Given below is his inspiring "last lecture" video. Worth watching...



To get the complete transcript of the video, please click here. The video is listed at the CMU website @ http://www.cmu.edu/homepage/multimedia/randy-pausch-lecture.shtml

Given below are some of his quotes picked from the video.
In one practice, my Football coach - Jim Graham - just rode me all practice. He was constantly criticizing me 'You’re doing this wrong, you’re doing this wrong, go back and do it again, you owe me, you’re doing push-ups after practice'. And when it was all over, one of the other assistant coaches came over and said, yeah, Coach Graham rode you pretty hard, didn’t he? I said, yeah. He said, that’s a good thing. He said, 'when you’re screwing up and nobody’s saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up'. And that’s a lesson that stuck with me my whole life. Is that when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.

Jon Snoddy: When you’re pissed off at somebody and you’re angry at them, you just haven’t given them enough time. Just give them a little more time and they’ll almost always impress you.

I called up Andy Van Dam - my mentor - and said, "Andy, I just gave a two-week assignment, and they came back and did stuff that if I had given them a whole semester I would have given them all As. What do I do?" Andy thought for a minute and he said, you go back into class tomorrow and you look them in the eye and you say, “Guys, that was pretty good, but I know you can do better.” And that was exactly the right advice. Because what he said was, you obviously don’t know where the bar should be, and you’re only going to do them a disservice by putting it anywhere.

If you’re going to do anything "pioneering" you will get arrows in the back, and you just have to put up with it. I mean everything that could go wrong will go wrong.

I was quite an arrogant young man. Andy, my mentor, once put his arm around my shoulders and said, "Randy, it’s such a shame that people perceive you as so arrogant. Because it’s going to limit what you’re going to be able to accomplish in life. What a hell of a way to word “you’re being a jerk.”

Syl: "It took me a long time but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. It’s that simple. It’s that easy."

Get a feedback loop and listen to it. Your feedback loop can be a dorky spreadsheet thing I did, or it can just be one great man who tells you what you need to hear. The hard part is the listening to it. Anybody can get chewed out. It’s the rare person who says, oh my god, you were right. As opposed to, no wait, the real reason is… We’ve all heard that. When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it.

January 01, 2008

Love marriage vs Arranged marriage: "Risk Analysis" ;-)

Over lunch we were chit-chatting. The topic was ‘love marriage vs. arranged marriage

After some amount of discussion, Pradeep said: "In love marriage, esp. when the girl belongs to a different cultural background, you are taking the risk of introducing her to an environment alien to her. She might adjust to the new environment. She may not. You never know..."

That is when Alok threw his opinion: "In an arranged marriage too there is risk involved. After a brief conversation with the girl, you are asked to make a decision. Once you say ‘YES’, to revert your decision before the marriage takes place, you need a strong reason. Any silly behavior of the girl which you discover later, and which you dislike, are not considered ‘strong’ enough to say ‘NO’. Till you get married, you have absolutely no clue about the true nature of the girl. That is a huge risk! In love-marriage, where you have known the girl for a longer period of time before the marriage, at least you have a better understanding of the true nature of the girl. Hence, to me the risk involved in love-marriage is less, because it is more ‘calculated’ and ‘rational’...

What do you think?